Archive for the ‘We Are All Socialists’ Category
If I Could Just Touch the Hem of Her Garment, I Know I’d Be Healed
When Victoria Jackson kept displaying a brand of insanity that’s weird and disturbing even relative to her Big Hollywood cohorts, I had sort of assumed, perhaps naively, that John Nolte would eventually just change her login password and stop answering her emails.
I don’t respect much about Nolte’s writing or editing, but it can at least be said about him that he takes conservatism seriously, and wants to advance its interests. So I’d thought a sideshow hot mess like Jackson would eventually get cut out, if for no other reason than that she makes them all look fucking crazy.
Silly Blucas, what were you thinking? This is the far-right, where one can only fail upward, so of course Victoria Jackson’s joined up with the Tea Party Express, and has been traveling the country on the GOP’s dime. Being a low-level GOP-shill has its advantages, of course, one of which is the ability to come within poking distance of Sarah Palin:
Happy mayhem surrounds Sarah Palin. Pushing, snapping, hugging. I couldn’t get near her if I tried, so I just stood in the back watching the circus. At one point, I couldn’t resist, while she was signing Ron Rivoli’s guitar, I reached out my arm through the crowd and touched her red jacket with my finger!
There is, in fact, PHOTOGRAPHIC EVIDENCE of Jackson’s creepy-subway-groper behavior:
Uhhhh, that’s her, in back left next to the bumper sticker, straining her neck to get into the shot.
But hey, we all have celebrities we’d spaz out over if we got to attend something like this with them, so I won’t make fun of her too much over this. And if this were a dorky “ZOMG SARAH!!! DRILL BABY DRILL!! DRILL THOSE COMMUNITY ORGANIZERS RIGHT IN THE FACE!!!” bit by Jackson, I probably wouldn’t have posted about it. It’s the weird, out-of-nowhere detour about race that really makes it awesome:
There were a few protesters on the outskirts of our rallies, but I only saw one up close. In Albany, NY standing next to a statue of George Washington was an angry black woman holding a sign that said, “Yes, We Can.” She looked very angry. The media was on her like flies. They got shots of our Tea Party crowd with her in the foreground. I was asked to pose next to her for a group shot. I kept glancing at her face. It takes a lot of energy to keep a frown that long. Finally, I asked her, “Why are you so angry?” She whipped her head around, her eyes on fire with hate, and snarled, “Don’t talk to me, Whitey.” I walked away slowly, wondering why she was so mad at me.
I suspect she doesn’t like white people.
I used to think that black people didn’t like me because of the slavery thing a hundred years ago. But, I just learned from Lloyd Marcus’ book “Confessions of a Black Conservative” that blacks are taught since the day they are born that “Whitey is keeping them down.” No wonder why she hates me. She doesn’t know it is a Liberal lie.
Now, while I do think that “Don’t talk to me, Whitey,” is a perfectly reasonable, measured response to being approached by Victoria Jackson, I’ll eat my hat if this woman actually said “Whitey.” Do black people even say that anymore? I’m pretty sure Victoria Jackson is getting reality confused with bad movies from the ’70s again.
In Lloyd Marcus’ book he talks about growing up in the “projects.” He says that his family moved into a brand new building that within two years was filthy and dangerous. Lloyd says, “All I kept hearing from the majority of adults was that everything was the ‘white man’s fault.’ Even at the tender age of nine, I sarcastically thought to myself, ‘How can we stop these evil white people from sneaking in here at night, peeing in the stairwell, leaving broken wine bottles on the ground, smashing the light bulbs, and attacking people.’”
He explains that the “liberal cradle-to-grave government dependency programs kill incentive and ultimately hurt people. Meanwhile, Conservatism is branded as mean and heartless. What is ultimately heartless is an ideology that enslaves people in a system that rewards sloth and discourages achievement.”
Lloyd continues to explain that he has “witnessed the devastating effect of liberalism in his own family.” He writes, “My forty-something drug addicted cousin is a serial ‘impregnator’ with several out of wedlock children. And yet, he enjoys a new townhouse, food stamps, free health care, and methadone all funded by working taxpayers. In essence, the government is enabling and funding my cousin’s irresponsible life-style.”
So Jackson-by-way-of-Marcus’s argument is that black people simplistically blame white people for all the problems in their community when they should be… simplistically blaming liberals? Awesome. Way to break the cycle.
I know nothing about Marcus, but that weird detour about his cousin has me thinking he’s got to be playing white conservatives. “Yes, we are all related, and we are all deadbeat welfare queens! I can say so ’cause I’m black! Just give me a book deal and you can quote me whenever you want to be racist, and no one will be able to call you on it!”
Jackson’s not done, though, and proceeds to post a picture of her “teenage daughter.. on the front of the bus flirting with David, a black teenager.” Welcome to post-racial America, Victoria Jackson’s daughter, where your mother will post a completely unflattering photo of you sitting next to a hot black guy, with your mouth hanging open, in order to prove she’s not racist! This might help.
Apparently, though, the simple beauty of young love in first blossom is not enough to quiet Jackson’s rage:
His black father William is sitting near me sleeping. Reporter Richie keeps bringing up the race thing, for over an hour. Finally, I explode, “The President is a Racist! The “police acted stupidly” comment Obama made about the Crowley-Gates affair was the most racist thing I have heard in a long time. And shame on the President for purposefully stirring up racial conflict! It popped out of his mouth at the end of a health care speech when he was off Teleprompter! Oops! His Jeremiah Wright training leaking out!” I immediately realized I’d given the NBC guy the fodder he was after. I was caught in a tired moment and I didn’t even have my make-up on. Well… Obama is a racist, but I don’t want to be involved in childish tit-for-tat whining.
I just want my country to be FREE.
Now, even if you didn’t like the “police acted stupidly” thing, and thought it was knee-jerk or irresponsible or whatever, how is it racist, unless you think a black guy criticizing a white guy is inherently racist? And even if you think Gates contributed to the situation or escalated it, and/or you think Crowley made an honest mistake, he clearly wasn’t, you know, right.
You gotta love how she’s going to prove she’s not racist by going off on an incoherent rant, immediately namechecking Gates and Wright. I thought this thing was about taxes?
All of Jackson’s tribulations at the hands of scaaaarrry black people were worth it, though:
In Boston, after I had touched Sarah’s jacket with my finger, I had gone back to watching her talk to her fans when suddenly Sarah had turned around and our eyes met. She did a double take and said, “Oh! I love you!” She hugged me and then she said, “Thanks for all you’re doing. I want your autograph!”
For the rest of the day I was speechless with a dumb grin on my face…
Just the rest of the day?
Johnny’s First Watchmen Review
I am completely baffled by Big Hollywood n00b Chris Yogerst’s new review of Watchmen. First, thanks to Male-Gigolo-in-Chief John Nolte’s shoddy editing, BH already ran a dozen or so Watchmen pieces when the film first came out. Sure, the DVD’s out now, but Yogerst’s piece doesn’t contain any of the hallmarks of a standard DVD review: no mention of commentary or special features or what-have-you.
In fact, the review doesn’t have a lot of content at all. It’s mostly Yogerst doing a mind-blowingly poor job of recapping the events of the movie. Seriously, this thing is written at a 6th-grade level.
Yogerst sets the scene:
Edward Blake was the most corrupt superhero, with a past of heartless murder of women and children. Once he realized there was a plan in place to kill thousands of innocent people to save millions, he decided to right his past by alerting his fellow “watchmen.” This decision ultimately leads to his murder.
Yogerst’s take on the film’s ending:
In the end, the “watchmen” decide to let the plan continue, or else the end result will surely be a nuclear apocalypse. This decision was a tough one and was in no way one of self interest. Regardless, film still tries to leave us questioning our heroes on some level.
This book report is about Treasure Island. The author is a man named Robert Louis Stevenson. There is a pirate named Long John Silver who at first is good but then bad but then good again. I hope I never get the black spot. In conclusion, the book never says whether pirates are good or bad but at least Jim Hawkins makes it out OK.
Also, what the fuck is this guy talking about? Rorschach and Nite Owl are too late to stop Veidt, and Nite Owl and Dr. Manhattan only make the decision not to reveal what he’s done and ruin the peace he’s brought. They never aid him. They never have an opportunity to stop him and decline to take it.
Then there’s this bit:
Most certainly a conservative’s favorite character will be Rorschach, whose actions are anything but soft on crime. He is programmed to fight evil, both foreign and domestic. Rorschach eventually sacrificed himself since he could not live with the decision to sacrifice thousands to save millions.
Also there’s the part where Rorschach is completely fucking insane. And running around exacting brutal revenge on petty criminals didn’t do shit for the people of Lower Manhattan.
Watchmen never makes an endorsement or a repudiation of Veidt’s actions, or Rorschach’s. Its only consistent position seems to be, “Hey, you know those people in the ruling class? Fucking nutballs, the lot of them. Sometimes they do the wrong thing for the right reasons. Sometimes vice versa. And sometimes they’re assholes for no reason. I wouldn’t trust them if I were you.”
What’s Yobert’s response? “BE ALL THAT YOU CAN BE MOTHERFUCKERS!”
Of course, anyone who believes the world has no heroes is looking through a polarized lens. There actually are people who fight for good and succeed. The USA hasn’t had a terrorist attack since 2001, and that is because we have our own heroes fighting for the greater good of the free world both here and abroad.
We don’t have one single hero, but rather hundreds of thousands of them. They are at every military base, fire station, police station, and every other institution that helps keep us safe every day. Without them, we would live in the dystopic world that occurs in the film once “watchmen” are outlawed.
What the fuck? What in the name of Audie Murphy does this have to do with a goddamn thing?
What Would Judah Maccabee Do?
As long as Skip Press has us basing our lives around the actions of random Biblical figures, I think it’s a fair question. I’ll tell you what he’d do. He would FUCK shit UP. Jepthah? He’d BREAK some SKULLS. Jeroboam? Time to SLIT some THROATS. CAPS.
There is a Biblical parallel in what is going on in America. It’s the story of Joseph, from Genesis in the Bible. Here are the main points, in case you missed Sunday school or never read the story that is generally held to be historical fact.
By whom, exactly, is a story that has ancient Canaanites living to the age of 130 “generally held to be historical fact”?
Anyway, Press goes on to tell the story of Genesis 37-47, offering along the way a tortured analogy where, and I’m not exaggerating, Ronald Reagan (or a combo of Reagan/Thatcher/JP2/Gingrich) is Joseph, the American people are Pharaoh, Nancy Pelosi is Potiphar’s wife, the Democrats are Joseph’s brothers, California is Egypt, and Arnold Schwarzenegger is a Democrat. I don’t want to quote it in full because it’s long, but go ahead and read it; it makes about as much sense as it sounds.
Then there’s this:
It’s fine to speak out about the current administration’s outrages that are a march toward socialism, which is an enslavement that sours the soul while proclaiming the grand benefits of collectivism yet always benefits only those running the society into the ground. That’s not what we need to solve our problems. Most of our brothers’ principles are so crazy they’re only believed by Hollywood actors who often didn’t even finish high school.
Per Genesis 47:13-26, here is the land policy Joseph instituted during the famine (which Press compares to the current economic crisis):
13 Now there was no food in all the land, because the famine was very severe, so that the land of Egypt and the land of Canaan languished because of the famine. 14 And Joseph gathered all the money that was found in the land of Egypt and in the land of Canaan for the grain which they bought, and Joseph brought the money into Pharaoh’s house. 15 And when the money was all spent in the land of Egypt and in the land of Canaan, all the Egyptians came to Joseph and said, “Give us food, for why should we die in your presence? For our money is gone.” 16 Then Joseph said, “Give up your livestock, and I will give you food for your livestock, since your money is gone.” 17 So they brought their livestock to Joseph, and Joseph gave them food in exchange for the horses and the flocks and the herds and the donkeys; and he fed them with food in exchange for all their livestock that year. 18 And when that year was ended, they came to him the next year and said to him, “We will not hide from my lord that our money is all spent, and the cattle are my lord’s. There is nothing left for my lord except our bodies and our lands. 19 “Why should we die before your eyes, both we and our land? Buy us and our land for food, and we and our land will be slaves to Pharaoh. So give us seed, that we may live and not die, and that the land may not be desolate.”
20 So Joseph bought all the land of Egypt for Pharaoh, for every Egyptian sold his field, because the famine was severe upon them. Thus the land became Pharaoh’s. 21 And as for the people, he removed them to the cities from one end of Egypt’s border to the other. 22 Only the land of the priests he did not buy, for the priests had an allotment from Pharaoh, and they lived off the allotment which Pharaoh gave them. Therefore, they did not sell their land.
23 Then Joseph said to the people, “Behold, I have today bought you and your land for Pharaoh; now, here is seed for you, and you may sow the land. 24 “And at the harvest you shall give a fifth to Pharaoh, and four-fifths shall be your own for seed of the field and for your food and for those of your households and as food for your little ones.” 25 So they said, “You have saved our lives! Let us find favor in the sight of my lord, and we will be Pharaoh’s slaves.” 26 And Joseph made it a statute concerning the land of Egypt valid to this day, that Pharaoh should have the fifth; only the land of the priests did not become Pharaoh’s.
Andrew Breitbart: Mall Cop 