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Let’s Compare Genitals

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  The Unicorns - Emasculate the Masculine

Fuck, Spike Spencer.  Why didn’t you tell me this earlier?

How in the world would we have won WWII with this nonsense? How would we have won anything with this attitude? Even the French could kick our asses. Even now, when we have freed millions and turned an entire country away from the abyss, the left just won’t let us be strong and dare I say it, manly.

I wish I would’ve known!  Here I’ve spent my whole life lugging this penis around for no reason.

What, praytell, has led to our collective unmanning?  Some dangerous leftists don’t think we should be torturing people:

*A detainee was shot in the groin with a BB gun during an interrogation incident. The interrogator had pointed it at the eyes and faces of other detainees before the emasculating testicle shot took place.

*A detainee was ritualistically beaten and left with a wound 7 inches around and 1/2 inch deep on his butt that required two surgeries. Apparently the detainee was told that it would “toughen up your hide.”

*3 soldiers stripped a 19 year old detainee down to his boxers and started firing BBs at him from about 5 feet away. They then tried to get the detainee to smoke marijuana and drink alcohol, which he refused.

*Soldiers made detainees lie down naked in a makeshift pool filled with six inches of ice water, beer, kitchen garbage, and urine. Other soldiers took turns standing on a stepladder above the pool and attempted to drop raw eggs into the mouth of the detainees lying in the fluid.

This torture is detestable! Outrageous! Unacceptable! Intolerable! And just about as stupid as the rest of the arguments about torture that are making the rounds on Capitol Hill right now.

Here’s your assignment. Replace the world soldier with “Frat Boy Jack Ass.” Replace the word detainee with “Pledge Boy Dillhole.” And replace interrogation with the word “hazing.”

There you go folks. The “torture” of our very own young college going skulls full of mush is, in my opinion, harsher than anything we’ve dished out to the worthless murdering sacks of pig poop that are the terrorists.

All those things are pretty fucked-up, actually.  Not everybody thinks fraternity hazing is so hilarious.  Also, maaaaaybe conflating prisoner abuse with fraternity hazing techniques isn’t the best way to make the case that it’s harmless.

That’s really neither here nor there, though.  While Spencer spouts the usual “waterboarding isn’t torture” line, it doesn’t really matter which side of the line it falls on, because he’s in favor of torture anyway.

Well, I for one say, KNOCK IT OFF! Ya whiny little pansy apologists!  We are in the right, like it or not. They are bad, we are good. It’s just that simple.

It’s refreshing to see someone in the pro-torture camp articulate this point so plainly.  No “it’s not really torture” or “we should do what needs to be done, even if it’s distasteful” nonsense.  For Spencer, they’re bad, so we are justified in doing whatever we want to them.  Fuck ’em; O’Doyle rules!

Things really get fun when he tries to tie this to gender politics, though.

How in the world would we have won WWII with this nonsense? How would we have won anything with this attitude? Even the French could kick our asses. Even now, when we have freed millions and turned an entire country away from the abyss, the left just won’t let us be strong and dare I say it, manly. Okay, certainly we have amazing women out there tearing it up for us in the armed forces as well and to them I say undoubtedly you are amazing! And I can pretty much assume that you have bigger cojones than 99% of the left. Man or woman. But for this article I’m focusing on the masculine side of things.

In my studies of relationships for one of my books, I have looked at what it means to be a real man. And I have interviewed numerous women on the subject. So far everyone of them wants a “real man” and they all say they are hard to find these days. They are afraid to lead. Afraid to make a decision. Afraid to stand up for themselves for fear of what others might think. In a word, wussified.

Feelings are a great thing. It’s what makes us human. But sadly sometimes they are irrelevant. If someone invades my home and tries to hurt my family, I will kill that person.  Regardless of how I feeeel about it. We have enemies who have sworn to kill us. They are trying to do so every day. How dare our leaders apologize to them. How dare the left blame us for defending ourselves. War sucks! No one wants it. No one feeeels good about it. But sometimes, we have to do that which does not feeeel good. And that is when we need a masculine leader. Man or woman. But they must lead.

I was all set to get angry about this, but really it’s just fucking confusing.  Spencer claims that his research for his (totally clinical, I’m sure) self-published self-help books leads him to believe that all women desire “real,” traditionally masculine men, but then he turns around and claims there can be “masculine” women leaders?  And that women in the military have “big cojones”?  What?  

Since the “manly” and “masculine” labels can apparently apply to either men or women, it seems like the only consistent component for Spencer’s masculinity is emotionlessness generally, and willingness to commit acts of violence dispassionately in particular. 

I’ve known a few supposedly-man-hating feminists in my day, but I’ve never heard any of them make the argument that masculinity is defined by sociopathy.  

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Written by dieblucasdie

May 4, 2009 at 8:16 pm

My Father and His Father Before Him

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winthropWhenever conservatives paraphrase Ronald Reagan paraphrasing John Winthrop paraphrasing the Gospel of Matthew, I always wonder if they really don’t get the full implication of what they’re saying, or if they do and the whole thing is a dog whistle for all the hardcore evangelicals in the house.

What’s amazing about it is the chain of authority.  Big Hollywood steals a phrase from Ronald Reagan to give its call for a revitalized right grounding and some OG Republican heft.  Reagan stole a phrase from Winthrop to make his call for a revitalized federal government more momentous by adding a vague element of religiosity and by hearkening back to the first days of colonial America.  Winthrop stole a phrase from the Gospel of Matthew to help convince people that building a theocratic state in the middle of nowhere wasn’t an insane idea.

In each case, what makes it so effective is that it’s an appeal to authority that only people who already revere said authority are going to pick up on.  Otherwise it just sounds like a cool metaphor.  So you rally the faithful without alienating moderates by coming straight-out and saying things like, “We need to go back to the way things were 30 years ago” or “We need a little old-fashioned theocracy up ins” or ‘Don’t worry about those harsh winters or those badass native warriors, God wants us to be here!”  To someone who doesn’t know the context, it comes across as a simple “USA! USA! USA!”

Update:  Actually, now that I think about it, there’s the added appeal-to-authority on the part of the evangelist.  Since the Gospel of Matthew is particularly interested in Jewish converts, there’s a whole, “Look!  You can convert to Christianity and still be a chosen people!” thing going on, but that’s not really germane to this discussion.

Written by dieblucasdie

April 7, 2009 at 7:21 pm

I Really Need You Tonight, Forever’s Gonna Start Tonight

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dennis-pragerWhen I saw the headline “Conservatives:  A Love Story,” I was, perhaps selfishly, hoping for the heartrending story of a jerk husband berating his wife into conservatism.  

That narrative is still there, between the lines, maybe, but in a piece that is supposedly a love letter to his wife, Jimmy Arone gives us so little information about her that’s it’s impossible to know much of anything.

Why?  Because the piece is not actually a love letter to his wife: It’s a love letter to Dennis Prager.  

Somewhere along the line, I began slowly waking up.  I started to look at things a little differently… 

 I would listen to talk radio, in particular, Dennis Prager, who seemed so clear.  He made sense. The fact that he had been a Democrat for so many years and was now a Republican interested me…

These men were the real deal.  Men of courage, conviction and I related to their values. I was ashamed of myself for having bad mouthed them years before.  I began to ask, how could I have been so blind?  The answer was easy.  I was growing up…

I’ve heard people say, “Too much of anything is not good for you,” baby.  But I don’t know about that.  There’s many times we’ve shared love and made love, but it doesn’t seem like enough.

Written by dieblucasdie

March 31, 2009 at 6:26 pm

And Now We Pause for an Arnold Schwarzenegger Moment

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Hey, we all have to have our little traditions.

Written by dieblucasdie

March 29, 2009 at 11:36 pm