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XOXO, Blucas

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Billy’s Hallowell’s latest piece on Big Hollywood is notable for 1) the sheer level of outrage he’s able to reach over freakin’ Gossip Girl and 2) word-choice so bizarre I can only assume that what ended up on BH’s website is Hallowell’s original post run through MS Word’s thesaurus.

Threesomes are Hollywood’s latest obsession.  Within weeks of the release of Britney Spears’ asinine “Ballad” about engaging in a menagerie, CW leaked details about a threesome they were planning on the hit show Gossip Girl.  In what could easily be confused as part of a massive Hollywood-led campaign in support of teen pregnancy and a wide array of sexually transmitted diseases, CW decided that exploiting filth for a heavy cash flow was more important that exercising common sense and decency.  Surprise!

Ah, the menagerie.  That place in TVland where the most elusive of creatures is kept:  the teenage Hollywood starlet lipstick lesbian.  In Gossip Girl’s menagerie, she frolics alongside a poor starving Brooklyn playwright who lives with his post-grunge one-hit-wonder father, and an industrialist heir who tried to rape a 14 year-old in the pilot, but is sensitive now.

Oh, wait, I don’t think that’s what he meant by “menagerie.”

I’m pretty sure that if you “easily confuse” three separate, on-screen kisses (which is what was shown on Gossip Girl) for “a massive Hollywood-led campaign in support of teen pregnancy and a wide array of sexually transmitted diseases,” you are probably too easily confused to turn on your television anyhow.  Also, the previous episode featured a plotline where paparazzi published a picture of Duff’s character (a Hollywood starlet) taking free condoms from the student health center.  I know Hallowell probably believes that condoms are murder, but still.

The only thing more grotesque than CW’s exploitation of a threesome for ratings is the media’s coverage of the menage a trois.  In a recent article, Michael Ausiello (Entertainment Weekly) was ecstatic over the impending sex scene – so excited that he taunted readers with his foreknowledgetelling them, “Though my Gossip mole has asked that I not ID the threesome (on the grounds that it would ruin a major upcoming storyline, or some such nonsense), I can confirm that the kinky tryst will involve one of the following combos…”  Ausiello then proceeds to list possible character combos.

Then – no joke – readers (many of whom were not at all phased by the show’s indecency) began commenting about who they thought would be involved!  Insanity.

Insanity!  Get this you guys: fans of a television show actually speculated on an upcoming major plotline.  On the internet!  I’m pretty sure that was one of the Seven Seals.

What does Hallowell expect that comment thread to look like?  Resounding condemnation of the CW or the show?  Er… actually that comment thread does contain a lot of that.

Gossip Girl is so lame and desperate for ratings.(**rollseyes**)

There’s six replies to this post agreeing with it, and more similar posts downthread.  But mostly I bring it up because a random Entertainment Weekly website commentator who uses expressions like “(**rollseyes**) had a much more sane, measured response than Hallowell.

Are these really the values our society has adopted as “the norm”?  In 2006, alone, teen pregnancy increased significantly in 26 states.  Liberals would blame this on “abstinence-only education,” while I’d blame a sizable portion of it on a society that continues to exploit sex for financial gain.  Can we really expect people, young and old alike, to respect or even understand sex when threesomes and other unrealistic sexual messaging invade our lives at every corner?  Let’s get real.

Dude, it’s not like this was pterodactyl porn or something.  I’ve no doubt that drunken, ill-advised threesomes are a more common occurence than many things depicted on television.  For instance, here’s a plot description from an episode of Big Hollywood‘s beloved NCIS:

NCIS is targeted to investigate a series of murders by a serial killer who posts videos of the crimes on the internet. The first two victims have scrolls with links to websites of videos of their murders along with cryptic pictures spliced in. After a third video is posted, a live stream from inside NCIS, a suspect is brought in but dies in Interrogation. Video of the death ends up on the web linking the crimes to a female singer. NCIS storms a garage but Gibbs realizes that it was a setup for them to kill the singer and a man who she appears to have captive at gunpoint is the real killer. Gibbs is given a Civil Service Award but is a no-show and Tony stands in to accept the award on his behalf.

Also, the (3%) rise in teen pregnancy is mainly due to increased fertility and (oh noes I’m a LIBERAL) abstinence only education.  I mean, it should be pretty obvious that whether someone has access to a condom and knows how to use it or not will have a greater effect on whether or not she gets pregnant than if she saw three people kiss instead of two on TV.

The entire premise of using a threesome to drive ratings came full circle when E! Online reported CW’s reward for exploiting sexual incongruence for the sake of the almighty dollar.

The first time I read this, I nearly did a spit take at “sexual incongruence.”  Is that, like, when you’re trying to do it standing up and your genitals don’t match up right?  Or would Gossip Girl have been in the clear if D and V and a certain Hollywood starlet had added a fourth?

And what a disappointment Hilary Duff is.  Joining the cast of one of television’s most trash-ridden shows appears to be a half-witted attempt to shed the “good girl” image she’s yielded over the years.

Aw shit, Hilary Duff.  Billy Hallowell’s not mad, he just disappointed in you.  I hope you’re duly chastened.  He liked you fine when you were a precocious preteen sensation, but now you’re 22 and you kissed another girl on-screen.  You just gave a couple hundred pregnant 12 year-olds the clap, Hilary Duff.  I hope you’re proud of yourself.

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Written by dieblucasdie

November 18, 2009 at 8:44 pm

John Nolte Uncovers Reality’s Hidden Liberal Bias

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John Nolte is upset about an upcoming film portraying a veteran with PTSD.

Leftist Hollywood loathes everything the American Military stands for: Honor, patriotism, selflessness and masculinity. Openly trashing the troops backfired decades ago, so the tactics had to change. Today, “support” for the troops is reflected in film after film after film stereotyping America’s best and brightest as victims, dupes, head cases and monsters.

Since 2003, more members of the armed services have been diagnosed (by the military itself) with PTSD than have been killed or wounded.  So, you know, a movie that shows a veteran with PTSD shows something more likely to happen than a movie that shows a member of the armed services being killed in combat.

But wait!  Nolte has anticipated this criticism!

Sure, each individual film might be defensible in some way as “factual” or “realistic,” but you have to look at the cumulative effect of the same “factual” and “realistic” focus pumped into theatres again and again and again…

Now, I’m known for giving Big Hollywood writers shit about their near-constant use of scare-quotes, but this might be the most hilarious instance yet.

You liberals, with your “reality” and your “facts”!  What kind of pinko propaganda uses “facts” to portray “reality”????

If Stephen Colbert read the above quote on his show you’d accuse him of being over-the-top.

Written by dieblucasdie

November 12, 2009 at 10:29 pm

Scare Quote Watch, Day 223

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Since screwing his fellow conservatives over by wresting Roger L. Simon’s money from them (I know that’s two in a row, but I never get sick of linking to that one!), Alfonso Rachel has actually been very judicious with his use of air-scare-quotes, though you can tell in this clip that he’s just dying to use them during his TOTALLY FAIR paraphrasing of an abortion-rights advocate.

I must say though, Rachel gets points for honesty, with his admission that the only actual basis for his opposition to abortion rights is religious in nature.  His argument for outlawing abortion rests on his claim that America has been, since its founding, a religious nation (Rachel alternates between describing it as “Judeo-Christian” and just straight-up “Christian”).  So yay theocracy!  I guess?

Since I am too tired to re-hash the history of the establishment clause and early establishment clause jurisprudence (I mean, it’s 2009.  The least you can do is read the Wikipedia article about something before you start running your mouth, dude), I’ll take a different angle.

I’d be interested to hear Rachel’s thoughts on the broader implications of this argument.  We’re a Christian nation!  The founders were Christian!  Should divorce be illegal?  What should the prison sentence be for adultery?  How often should people like Rachel be forced to re-read the various bits in Matthew condemning the hypocrisy of the Pharisees?  Discuss!

Scare Quote Watch: Day 44

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Untitled-1As regular readers know, Alfonzo Rachel’s normal MO is to attack strawliberals by putting things no liberal has actually said in scare quotes (ie, I can’t believe that YOU LIBERALS are always saying “babies are delicious”).  But this time, he’s on some serious next-level shit.

First, he says that any Republican who thinks the party should “ease up on the whole Christian thing,” ought to go be a Democrat.  Awesome!  We’ll be glad to have them!  I know there are at least a couple atheists/agnostics on Big Hollywood‘s (metaphorical) payroll.  To them I say:  You can sign up for your Kos diaries here.

Things really get rolling, though, when Rachel argues, I shit you not, that Barack Obama’s service program is really a plot to get Americans to perform slave labor for the Chinese.  It makes about as much sense as it sounds, but his argument has something to do with the fact that the U.S. dollar is a fiat currency.  Rachel claims that means it’s backed by “services” (as opposed to gold).  Since we’re in debt to the Chinese, that means we owe them services.  And Barack Obama’s call for a “service program” is just a liiiiiiittle too coincidental, see?  

I know I don’t really have to point this out, as it’s so baldly stupid, but it is simply untrue that China could demand the debt be repaid in the “services” of American citizens, given that A) that’s not how fiat currency actually works, and B) even if it were, the portion of the debt owned by the Chinese is in the form of Treasuries.  The real danger is that the Chinese and/or Japanese Central Banks would suddenly stop buying or start selling off dollar-backed securities like Treasuries, which would lead to a sharp decline in the dollar, and the attendant economic problems.  

I’m sure Ron Paul is jealous, though.  Obama secretly scheming to enslave the American people to the Chinese is a conspiracy theory for the ages, for sure.  I, for one, welcome our new overlords.  I’m looking forward to working in a Chinese forced-labor mine on the Moon.  Beats my office job.

Written by dieblucasdie

May 9, 2009 at 4:04 pm

Some of Those that Work Forces are the Same that Burn Crosses

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While Steven “There’s No Such Thing as a Good Liberal”  Crowder certainly wins for biggest jackass on Big Hollywood‘s (metaphorical) payroll, and Doug “Intelligence Has Only Made Us Immoral with More Knowledge”  TenNapel owns the sheer-stupidity department, Charles Winecoff is definitely king when it comes to hysterical overreactions.  

Recently, at the office (a place I sometimes affectionately refer to as Obama Central), I made the mistake of printing out a Washington Post editorial that questioned the foreign policy expertise of our new Commander-in-Chief.  By the time I got to the printer to pick it up, someone else had already seen it – and stamped “DENIED” across the top of the page in red ink.  Next to that was scrawled, “RIGHT WINGER GO HOME.”

The first thing that went through my mind was: cross burnings.  The second was: children are evil (my workplace is overrun by hundreds of twentysomethings).

Yeah, that’s EXACTLY like cross-burnings.  Jesus fucking Christ. The first time I read this, I thought he was joking, making a comical exaggeration for effect.  But no:

As I headed back to my office, images of the Ku Klux Klan, going after people they didn’t know in the middle of the night, raced across my brain.  Then I had to stop myself.  And chuckle.  There was no comparison.

Instead of gossiping at the water cooler, today’s privileged jugend hover in packs around TV monitors to mock the usual suspects – poor old Sarah Palin, the Tea Partiers, Elisabeth Hasselbeck, Miss California (chivalry is deader than dead).  Together, they telegraph their warning to anyone who might disagree: don’t

But my gut kept telling me there was.  Whoever stamped ”DENIED” across my document clearly felt justified in defacing it.  Though petty, this was a hostile act – another tiny blow in the insidious war on free thought.  And one thing I’ve noticed in the stifling PC smog of LA: the Obama generation doesn’t think twice about openly ridiculing folks who don’t follow in lockstep.  They’re still acting like there’s a Texan in the White House.  They can’t let go.  They don’t want to.  Because, like the believers of a certain 7th century ideology that’s made a big comeback in recent years, their objective is not, despite claims to the contrary, to coexist.  To quote Obama advisor Valerie Jarrett, it’s “to rule.”

Yeah, poor Elisabeth Hasselbeck.  She’s a fucking modern-day Emmett Till.

I tried to be rational.  Whoever defaced the page had no way of knowing who had printed it out – just as I had no idea who the defacer was – so it wasn’t personal.  Still, it was hurtful.

And it was bigoted. The defacer didn’t know anything about me – my political affilitation (sic), my sex, my race, nothing.

I love how he’s perfectly willing to jump to the conclusion that every liberal in LA is some sort of hideous Michael Moore/Adolf Eichmann/Lord Voldermort hybrid, but balks at the (plainly accurate) characterization of himself as a “right-winger.”  

Don’t worry though, this piece takes a turn for the AWESOME when Winecoff decides to make it a generational call-to-arms of the “Johnny Unitas, now there’s a haircut you can set your watch to” variety.  

They believe Loose Change is an important documentary, Al Franken a natural for the Senate, and Arlen Specter a hero.  They judge people not for their principles or achievements, but by the letter that comes after their name.  The one coworker I saw who dared walk the Yes We Can-festooned halls in a McCain T-shirt last fall got singled out by a supervisor (”Are you serious?”).  The answer?  Of course not – the tee had been donned as a joke.

Kids today.  They enjoy complete freedom to open their pieholes at the slightest brainfart.  Not that there’s anything wrong with that.  That should be a benefit of freedom.  Yet despite the apparent spontaneity of their farts, a strange uniformity pervades.

Yeah, kids today.  With their “voting” and their “engagement in politics.”  What is the world coming to?

Twenty-somethings are fond of declaring, “It’s a free country!”  But is it?  Really?  And what exactly does that notion mean to them, anyway?  Because from what I can tell, they believe the First Amendment is a natural phenomenon which, unlike the climate, will never change.  At the same time, these kids – who see nothing odd about surrounding themselves with creepy, halo’d icons of The One – mock folks who actually make the effort to exercise their right to free speech on talk radio, at Tea Parties, and at workplace printers.  Talk about a false sense of security.  They think this double standard is perfectly normal..

hahahaha “It’s a free country” is the best example of youth slang Winecoff can come up with?  I feel like I should send him a hip-hop mixtape or something.  Lord knows he needs it.  Good thing, that, contrary to what Winecoff seems to think, mockery is also a form of speech.  Mocking you does not actually curtail your right to free speech!  It’s just an exercise of mine!

In 1983, best-selling shrink M. Scott Peck published his second book, People of The Lie.  In it, he tells the stories of several patients whom he came to believe could be clinically diagnosed as “evil” – a character disorder he describes as “militant ignorance.”  According to Peck, an evil person prefers to psychologically destroy others rather than face his (or her) own faults, exhibits zero empathy towards his targeted scapegoat, and enjoys falsely labeling other people as evil.

You know, like spending eight years comparing people you disagree with to Hitler.

Yeah, this comes after he compared literally everyone under 30 to the Hitler Youth, and to sociopaths (which is what that Peck book is about).  These liberals are sociopaths!  They see conservatives as less than human! 

Oh, wait:

In Don Siegel’s classic sci-fi flick, Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1956), the citizens of Santa Mira, California, are gradually replaced in their sleep by emotionless impostors – the proverbial “pod people.”  The film is often interpreted as an allegory for Communism and McCarthyism (a tactic first reviled, then hijacked, by the Left).  But Body Snatchers is more relevant than ever – right here, right now.

And then they’ll come after you.

You walk the halls, wander the streets, visit the homes of other two-legged beings who appear to resemble you on the surface.

When did they all fall asleep?  When are they going to wake up?  Perhaps when they learn, the hard way, that freedom is not just another convenience.

Meanwhile, try not to express a dissenting or individual thought – and don’t gasp if one of them lashes out viciously at a friend who steps out of line – because that’ll clue them in that you’re still human.

BOO!

 

Jimmy Arone Does More Damage to the English Language Than a Million Illegal Immigrants

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verboselolwutI like how the language of modern conservatism  is starting to sound more and more like LOLspeak:

A few days ago I wrote an article to post at Big Hollywood, which was motivated in part by my reaction to watching the video of Jamean Garofalo, who recently appeared as a guest on Meek Olberdogg’s ‘Putdown’ Show. Clearly, she struck a nerve in me.  Making outrageous statements, she accused thousands of men and women, who participated in the recent Tea Party events, as being racist. Quote: “This is about hating a black man in the White House. This is racism straight up.” Even for Ms. Garofalo this had to be a new low. To steal a ripe response from Mr. One Pissed Off Dude himself, Gary Graham, let me just say, “FTS.”

“Meek Olberdogg”?  I’m no Olbermann booster, but that is some weak shit right there.

Written by dieblucasdie

April 21, 2009 at 12:22 am

PROPAGANDA

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1101001225_400It must be great to get paid for reporting on your random trips to retail stores, Jeff Lindsey.

Yesterday while strolling through the aisles of my local Barnes & Noble I was assaulted by fourteen magazines with Obama spread across their covers, all in differing poses, two included his wife in close embrace. In the history section forced upon my eyes in plain sight were 23 hardcover books with this political porn star upon it. Michelle Obama even had two books of her own, one a biography, and the other, I believe, was about her fashion sense.

OH MY GOD WHAT KIND OF LIBERAL DISTOPIAN NIGHTMARE IS THIS?!??  HAVE I AWOKEN TO SOME SORT OF KAFKAESQUE HORROR?  THERE ARE MAGAZINES WITH PICTURES OF THE PRESIDENT ON THE COVER!!!!

Also, there’s this:

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Written by dieblucasdie

April 20, 2009 at 8:16 pm