Andrew Breitbart: Mall Cop

Cow Towing to Other Countries

Uh-Oh, Leftists, Pam Meister’s Figured Out How to Use Google

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So Big Hollywood has been going after Rock the Vote lately.  I’m not entirely sure why, other than that it’s an election year.  If the whole ACORN mess taught us anything (and it didn’t), it’s that assholes like those in BREITBART’S CREW just flat-out don’t want more people to vote.

Resident in-house ummmmm artist Alvaro Alvillar went so far as to post this awesome piece the other day, clearly created in the version of MS Paint that shipped with Windows 95.  The Big Hollywood position isn’t “Vote!”; it’s “Get smart, then vote.”  In this context, Alvillar’s implying that A) young people are stupid, and, B) if you haven’t had the requisite indoctrination, you are not qualified to vote.

Being the crazy LIBTARD that I am, I actually think that everyone has the right to vote, and everyone should be free to exercise it as he or she sees fit.  If the self-styled martyrs at Big Hollywood think the voting public is insufficiently educated as to the evils of the NEA, NOW, the SEIU, the United Nations, socialism, and um, “transparency,” and “steal,” that’s not a failure on the part of the voting public to “get smart,” that’s a failure on the part of the BREITBART’S CREW to get their message out without looking like crazy people.

But anyhow, that’s not what this post is about.  This post is about Pam Meister, Internet Detective.

Back in December, Rock the Vote came out with a video featuring Eva Amurri and Zach Gilford – who the hell are they, anyway? Guess I’m not young enough to rock — and a bunch of  other unknown wannabe actors encouraging young people to “rock the vote” by withholding sexual favors from anyone who dares to believe that a government takeover of health insurance is a bad thing.

Oh yeah, I remember that video.  Why are we talking about it now that the health bill is stalled?  Whatever.  Also, Zach Gilford is fucking awesome.  I’m always a little surprised that conservatives don’t give Friday Night Lights more love.  It’s about a strong nuclear family with a tough and eminently capable patriarch going around being traditional and awesome, all deep in the heart of red-state country.  I guess there’s not enough Muslim-bashing or something.

But anyway, yeah, that Rock the Vote ad was pretty dumb and cheesy.  That’s how Rock the Vote rolls.

Traditionally used to sell items like beer and aftershave, sex is now being utilized to encourage citizens to give in to an unconstitutional take over of one sixth of the American economy. Has sex really become that commonplace and tacky?

Yes, sex has become exactly that “commonplace and tacky.”  Where has Meister been since, oh, I don’t know, the invention of communication?  And I find “commonplace” a bizarre word-choice there.  Sex should be… rare?  elusive?  zah?

Rock the Vote is a 501(c)(3) non-profit organization. Because of their tax status, non-profits are

…prohibited from directly or indirectly participating in, or intervening in, any political campaign on behalf of (or in opposition to) any candidate for elective public office. Contributions to political campaign funds or public statements of position (verbal or written) made on behalf of the organization in favor of or in opposition to any candidate for public office clearly violate the prohibition against political campaign activity. Violating this prohibition may result in denial or revocation of tax-exempt status and the imposition of certain excise taxes.

Basically, what this means is that non-profits can’t come out and say, “Vote for so-and-so,” or “Vote NO on this proposition,” or “Tell your senator to vote yes/no!” However, voter education activities are not prohibited if they are conducted in a non-partisan manner.

Tell me exactly how a group that comes out and tells people to support the current form of “health care reform” is non-partisan.

Happy to oblige!  Issues-based advocacy is different from political advocacy, ie, 501(3)(c)s can advocate for health care, but they can’t advocate for Obama.  That’s a pretty simple distinction, one that the IRS makes here.

Organizations may, however, involve themselves in issues of public policy without the activity being considered as lobbying.  For example, organizations may conduct educational meetings, prepare and distribute educational materials, or otherwise consider public policy issues in an educational manner without jeopardizing their tax-exempt status.

It’s pretty telling that Meister simply can’t fathom a difference between policy and politics.

But, just in case that’s not clear, here’s a quick (obviously incomplete) list of conservative organization with 501(c)(3) status, found after 5 seconds of googling:  The Cato Institute, The Conservative Caucus Research Foundation, the American Conservative Union, the m’fucking Christian Coalition. Not to mention the many churches and other religious organizations that advocate against gay rights and still enjoy 501(c)(3) status, or the host of other conservative organizations that enjoy tax-exempt 501(c)(4) status.

Enough tax code, though, things really get good when Meister goes deep cover to expose the LIBTARDS behind Rock the Vote’s insidious efforts to engage young people in the process of governance.

According to Ayeroff’s TimeWarner bio, he is “Co-Chairman of Rock the Vote, a non-partisan, non-profit organization he founded in 1989 in response to a wave of political attacks on freedom of speech and artistic expression. Rock the Vote is dedicated to protecting freedom of expression and helping young people realize and utilize their power to affect change in the civic and political lives of their communities. To date, the organization has registered more than a million young people to vote.”

Take a look at Ayeroff’s campaign contributions for 2008 – nary a Republican in sight. And back in 2007, following the Dixie Chicks brouhaha and their subsequent sympathy win at the Grammys, theNew York Times said that “Ayeroff, a longtime music executive and an academy member, said the resounding endorsement of the group reflected the fact that the academy represents ‘the artist community, which was very angry at what radio did, because it was not very American.’ Mr. Ayeroff said he voted for the Dixie Chicks in at least one category.”

What, voting with your wallet is un-American? And since the government doesn’t control radio – yet – it’s up to radio stations to decide if they want to play music from a particular group or not. Besides, when’s the last time we heard from the Dixie Chicks? Is Ayeroff still a big fan? Inquiring minds would like to know.

Actually, it’s hard for me to think of an issue I care less about than Ayeroff’s ties to the goddamn Dixie Chicks.  And his personal political contributions are evidence of what, exactly?  That he’s a Democrat?  That disqualifies him from running a charitable organization the simply registers people to vote (in a highly-regulated and non-partisan manner), how?

I won’t belabor the point by rehashing all the googling Meister does for various RtV board members.  One’s Linked-in profile says she’s in favor of high-speed rail!   Quelle horror!  One advocates against coal power!  Hitler!

One was… present on election night?

In the question and answer portion of the bio, Smith is asked what the “biggest explosion you have ever seen/caused” is. Her answer? Rallies, spontaneous dancing, and other expressions of pent of hope and fear and frustration and happiness on Election Night 2008… I was at the White House.” So, was she amongst the mob who was screaming at George W. Bush “na na hey hey goodbye” and people saying such tasteful things as “you can suck my **** Bush“? That certainly gives Smith her non-partisan props, wouldn’t you say?

She was in the same room as people who said mean things about Bush.  We’ve uncovered something big, here, guys.  Get Glenn Beck on the phone!

I just want to address one thing really quickly:

How can a group whose stated mission is “is to engage and build the political power of young people in order to achieve progressive change in our country” possibly run a “non-partisan voter registration campaign”?

RtV has registered millions of young conservatives.  RtV holds events at the GOP conventions, has young Republican street teams, and conducts polls on the issues important to young Republicans.

Written by dieblucasdie

January 28, 2010 at 4:40 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

A Camel Passing Through the Eye of a Needle

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Steven Crowder is doing some quality trolling today with a headline like “Poor People Can Be Greedy Too”.  Judging from the url, it looks like the Big Hollywood editorial staff wisely trimmed Crowder’s original title, “Poor People Can Be Greedy Scumbags Too.”

Ever notice that the chronically poor nearly always share one thing in common? They are some of the most greedy SOB’s on the planet. I know it seems sacrilegious to say so. You’re just not supposed to criticize the poor.

Yeah, they’re always trying to get “food” and “shelter.”  Greedy fucks.

Now, I hate to throw a Proverb at you (particularly as it’s not of the trendy Chinese variety, but one of those scary Old Testament scribbles) but no matter what your faith, I would imagine that Proverbs 28: 22 would still have to be incredibly insightful.

A stingy man is eager to get rich and is unaware that poverty awaits him.

See, God isn’t condemning rich people. He’s condemning actions followed by a solemn warning of where they would lead. God seems to think that actions are a reflection of your heart. He’s a freaky dude when it comes to that kind of thing. Yes, I said “dude.” Feminists, start sending your letters.

Now statistically, it’s true. Poor people (particularly liberals) donate a lower percentage of their income than middle and upper-class Americans. To be fair, they have less to give… But then I guess it becomes the whole “chicken or the egg” deal. Do they have less to give because they’re stingy/greedy, or are they greedy because they have less to give?

The poor don’t… give enough money to the poor?  What?  And what does that random Proverb have to do with a goddamn thing?  Seems to me the Bible actually addresses the question of poverty and charity pretty directly:

He sat down opposite the treasury and observed how the crowd put money into the treasury.  Many rich people put in large sums.  A poor widow also came and put in two small coins worth a few cents.  Calling his disciples to himself, he said to them, “Amen, I say to you, this poor widow put in more than all the other contributors to the treasury.  For they have all contributed from their surplus wealth, but she, from her poverty, has contributed all she had, her whole livelihood. (NAB, Mark 12:41-44)

I agree with Crowder, though, that actions can reflect the heart.  So what does writing sarcastic blog posts attacking the least privileged members of society say about his?  Oh wait, the Bible has something to say on that, too:

Amen, I say to you, whatever you did to one of these least brothers of mine, that you did unto me. (NAB, Matthew 25:40)

Written by dieblucasdie

January 20, 2010 at 4:02 pm

An Observation

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Re: John Nolte’s yawn-inducing list of the Top 25 Christmas Films.  It’s a third unassailably canonical Golden-era shit that no one actually enjoys watching, a third treacly and/or poorly-aged family films, and a third various versions of A Christmas Carol.

But it’s biggest flaw?

No motherfucking Die Hard.  He’s probably just mad that Hans Gruber wasn’t a Muslim.

Written by dieblucasdie

December 14, 2009 at 12:59 am

Finished With My Woman ‘Cause She Couldn’t Help Me With My Mind

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Victoria Jackson with her Eurovision entry for this year:

It seems these days
I’m in a haze,
And I can’t concentrate on things,
Don’t eat or sleep,
Feel incomplete,
And kinda scared and creepy.

I look over my shoulder lots
And shudder when I watch TV.
I bite my nails and cuticles
And watch my words very carefully.
I bite my lip a lot
And fidget with the buttons on my blouse.
Why?
…BECAUSE THERE’S A COMMUNIST LIVING IN THE WHITE HOUSE!!!

I’m jittery, my teeth I grate
I twitch, I shake, I ruminate
Lately I’m perplexed and pinched
In pain, I pout and ponder.

Why aren’t people shocked or something,
Why aren’t people up in arms?
Does anyone read history?
Or see red flags, or hear alarms?
The streets are filled with deaf and dumb
As I squeal like a mouse,
“THERE”S A COMMUNIST LIVING IN THE WHITE HOUSE!!!”

My husband really misses me.
My parents think I’ve gone crazy.
Only Glenn Beck understands me,
And, of course, Sean Hannity.
But, it seems, besides us three,
And the nice people who drink the Tea,
There’s no one else who can see
THE COMMUNIST LIVING IN THE WHITE HOUSE!!

Maybe I have lost my mind,
Or have been drugged by some narcotic.
Maybe I’m watching a movie called 1984
Or maybe I am just psychotic.
If I’m in a dream, fast asleep
I guess I will just try to keep
My eyes shut ’til this goes away
And I awake to a happier day
When my ukulele does not play
This dire song of distress and dismay
Called…THERE’S A COMMUNIST LIVING IN THE WHITE HOUSE!!!

What I love about Jackson is how completely unconcerned she is with actual politics.  She doesn’t care about policy, she doesn’t care about the crass horse-race mechanics, she doesn’t even really care about half-baked conspiracy theories.  Her entire engagement with the political sphere begins and ends with some guys on the TV telling her to be afraid, so she’s afraid.  There’s zero political content in the above; it’s all about her fear.

She is like a parody of a parody of a Michael Moore strawman.  It’s pretty startling and saddening that someone like her actually exists.  If I were John Nolte I’d be embarrassed.

Scare Quote Watch, Day 245

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Yep, that’s Big Hollywood‘s Steven Crowder throwin’ up the air quotes for

If you believe in the modern concept of “peace,” you might be an idiot.

Definitely one of the more lazy and ridiculous examples of BH’s reliance on putting scare quotes around benign words and phrases to make them sound bad (though not as awesome as the time Crowder put scare quotes around the Virginia Tech shooter’s name).

When you strip away the crazy (and there’s a lot of it this time), the main thrust of Crowder’s argument–that war is sometimes necessary–is one that few people, even on the far left, would disagree with.  I’m so old, in fact, I can remember when Republicans were largely isolationists.  Liberals have spent years advocating for military intervention in a host of troubled regions:  Sudan, Liberia, Rwanda, the Balkans, Somalia, etc.  Not that I personally agree that military intervention would be/would have been/was the right call in all those situations, I’m just sayin’.

But it’s possible, I suppose, that Crowder’s not making his customary strawmanish “YOU LIBERALS…” argument, and that he’s narrowly criticizing the hardcore peace movement that opposes any military action.

If that’s what he wants to do, he goes about it in a bizarre way.  First he does a couple so-bad-they-go-past-good-and-back-to-bad bits lampooning John Lennon (ooooo, burn, guy-who’s-been-dead-for-29-years) and reeling off some quick ad hominem attacks relating to Lennon’s personal life.  That’s weird enough, but then he goes into the tired old John Birch Society conspiracy theory about the origins of the peace symbol.  Next he’ll be freaking out about the pyramid on the $1 bill.  National Treasure 3: Rise of the Lispy Canadian.

Now, if you want to criticize the peace movement, calling them crypto-anti-Christians is a pretty weird tactic, given the modern peace movement’s Christian roots.  Apparently some people take that “love your enemies, do good to those who hate you” thing literally.

Written by dieblucasdie

December 4, 2009 at 8:27 pm

Breaking: There are Nude Photos on the Internet

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If you’re going to play the moral scold in reaction to TMZ-level gossip, there’s a lot to choose from.  So why does Big Hollywood only do it when it involves a woman posing for naked photos?

All that’s left to ask is what planet are these people from and how do we keep our children far, far away?

[Rihanna] admitted to being “humiliated” earlier this year when naked pictures of herself sent to an ex-boyfriend were posted online.

But she later shrugged off the episode, saying: “If you don’t send your boyfriend naked pictures, then I feel bad for him.” …

The 21 year-old said in an interview with The Sun: “Every woman should have naked pictures taken. In five years my body might not look like this.

 

“I’ve always been borderline raunchy and a little sexy. But sexy at 19 and sexy at 21 are two different things. I’m just having fun.”

Did shame go out with Eisenhower?

Apparently not!  Because here you are trying to shame a woman over A) something that’s none of your goddamn business to begin with and B) the simple existence of her body.  It be squicky enough if they were trying to shame her over a sex tape, but these are just naked photos.

Look, a woman who’s not filled with crippling shame at the sight of her naked body!  And she even appears to enjoy her sexuality.  Buuuuuurn her!

It is a little depressing that Rhianna seems to think she’ll be an unlovable hag by 26, though.

Written by dieblucasdie

December 1, 2009 at 3:14 pm

Posted in COMEDY

Tagged with

He’s No Sam Waterston

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Oh hey, look who’s joined Big Hollywood‘s stable of right-leaning, uh, celebrities!  It’s ADA Ben Stone!  I’m starting to wonder what it is about Law & Order that attracts actors with such a bizarre version of conservative politics.

As long, disjointed and just-plum-loco as ADA Ben Stone’s inaugural post is, there’s something about it that I find, well, cute.  Maybe it’s the general first-day-of-school icebreaker feel (“Hi everybody!  I’m Mikey!  I like Ronald Reagan and Glenn Beck but I HATE communists.  They’re so stupid!  I bet my little sister is a communist!”).

Or maybe it’s the novelty of seeing a far-right crazy person who seems to think it’s still 1951.  It’s almost like a creative writing assignment:  “What would a paranoid conservative blog posting look like if they’d had the internet during the early days of the Cold War?”  So much of this blog is devoted to smarmy fratboy wankers who think Obama’s the Beast from Revelations, here to institute compulsory sodomy and abort every non-Muslim fetus, that there’s something charming about a little bald dude still wringing his hands over all those Hollywood Jews on the Soviet payroll.

What does Big Hollywood mean?

Is it a tribute or in-house sarcasm?

So far I only know Big Hollywood’s politics as counter-revolutionary conservative – and if I’m wrong, Andrew and John, please correct me … and that’s why I’m here … as a pro-life libertarian … a category I’ve been in long before I even heard of the name Glenn Beck.

I’m here to try stemming the Revolutionary Tide that has been rising in larger and larger waves from the shores of 18th Century France when the guillotine gave its deadly review to the court of Louis XVI; and subsequently the communes of Paris eventually threaded their legendary grand guignolthrough the minds of Karl Marx, Vladimir Ilytch Lenin, Joseph Stalin and Mao Tse Tung.

So here I am … in Big Hollywood … clutching my memories of the American Declaration of Independence and its words: “All men are created equal.”

It always seems bizarre when conservatives try to style themselves as part of a Burkean tradition.  It’s one thing to point out the excesses of the French Revolution, but to go all out and side with Louis XVI?  And you gotta love Stone expressing his hatred for the “Revolutionary Tide” (a force so sinister it deserves to be both capitalized and italicized), by quoting a document that initiated a revolution.

No, my dear Progressives, Americans were not intended to be gestated as possible candidates for abortion … despite what Chris Matthews of MSNBC infers.

Recently, in the best French Revolutionary tradition, that enlightened despot rode roughshod over a rather royal member of the Catholic Church who was defending Rome’s decision to excommunicate a Kennedy for supporting abortion.

Hmmm … Mr. Matthews kept hammering the poor Roman Prince over what the penalties would be for abortion … should Roe v Wade be overturned … with the inferential reminders of Catholic Inquisitional sadism … and the “Robe” took the bait and folded.

I conclude that the penalties for abortion should be “probational,” periods of close observation on all three corners involved: the mother, the father and the doctor/abortionist. If abortions become chronicwith these citizens under close observation … perhaps jail time would be the only effective deterrent.

OK, so a quick rundown of the factual errors in this section:

1) Kennedy has not been excommunicated or even threatened with excommunication.  He was asked not to take Communion.  It’s unclear if he would have actually been denied Communion had he chosen to ignore this request.

2) The order didn’t come from the Vatican, it came from a US bishop.

3) Chris Matthews is not, in fact, more powerful than the Catholic Church.

4)  Why the fuck is “reminders” italicized?

To recap the ideological stance here:  abortion is murder, guys.  It is so much like murder that the sentence for it should be probation.  Unless it’s chronic.  I am so down with this new conservative “get one murder free” policy.  Now that’s some libertarianism I can get behind!  Tell me who you will use your free murder on in the comments!  As for me, well, Asher Roth better sleep with one eye fucking open.

But hold up, DA Ben Stone is about to go from LULZ to WTF:

In the 1940’s, the possible jail penalties certainly didn’t keep my parents, a surgeon and his alcoholic wife, from having two illegal abortions, cardinal illegalities.

I was informed of those facts at the rather dumbfounded age of 10.

“My parents had two of my siblings murdered?!”

No one was arrested … because no one knew … except for my equally stunned sister and myself.

Divorces are a war zone, of course … but divorce after two abortions … for the surviving children … is a Holocaust zone.

With an actual lifetime of survivor’s guilt … ranking second only to the Irish predisposition for alcoholism … I’m surprised I’ve done as well as I have … thanks to Alcoholics Anonymous … and the words, “Let go, let God!”

Now here I am back in not just Hollywood but Big Hollywood!

What a journey!

Another quick fact-check for Mr. Stone:  most (but not all) bloggers were not aborted as fetuses.  Having a rough childhood does not make you a Holocaust survivor.  Not being aborted as a fetus does not make you a Holocaust survivor.

And, I mean, clearly Stone’s family situation was messed-up.  Does he think that jail time for his parents would’ve helped matters?  Or, alternatively, the government forcing his mother to bring two more children into that situation?  There’s not any easy answers in a case like that.  Which is why, you know, it should be the woman’s choice and not the government’s.  I shouldn’t have to be explaining this to a self-identified “libertarian.”

Ugh.  At least Stone gets back on track though:

What are my plans with the coming articles?

To track my personal experience with the former Soviet Russia’s undeniable strategy, its unrelenting efforts to Communize all of theater and film in the United States.

Again with the freaking italics.  And… “personal experiences”?  Did he infiltrate the KGB or some shit?  Does he even realize that Soviet Russia doesn’t exist anymore?  I can’t wait for these posts.

Finally, we are actually choking in the debt-ridden quagmires placed under us so that Lenin and Stalin … and Castro and Chavez… and Mao and Pol Pot … and Osama bin Laden can all see their evil vindicated by history and Hollywood … highlighted to eternity by the fall of the United States to world Communism … our nation’s suicidal, deaf and dumbly naïve surrender to the Red/Islamic game plan now being heralded in Hollywood, Chicago, New York and Washington D. C. … yet smugly bandied about in White House dinner parties as the “Progressive World Government.”

Ah yes, bin Laden, that pinko commie scum.  I thought people like Stone had more or less died out, even on the right.  Everything he dislikes is part of a worldwide communist plot.  I can’t wait for the nuanced version!