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How Appropirate, You Fight Like a Cow: UPDATED 4/13

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Apparently, Hollywood is so sickeningly PC, that they haven’t even made a movie about something that happened yesterday!

In a dangerous and dramatic throwback to eras long thought dead, pirates are once again actively threatening lives and property of honest seafaring men along the African coast.

The situation presents a perfect opportunity for:

A. Hollywood to produce an exciting action/adventure film based on real world events.

B. The American president to make a rousing and pointed statement on his firm support of the rule of international law on the open seas and how he’ll defend the safety of his citizens if endangered anywhere on Earth.

1) I guarentee Hollywood will make a movie about Somalian pirates.

2) There are, in fact, many movies that involve modern-day piracy in general.

3) Obama declined comment when asked about the hostage situation at a forum on housing policy.  What a PC jerk!  He won’t even respond to a question about delicate, ongoing hostage negotiations when asked at an unrelated event!

As the FBI joined the delicate negotiations, President Barack Obama, facing one of his first national security tests, declined comment when asked about the standoff. Vice President Joe Biden said the administration was working “round the clock” on the problem.

The incident epitomizes the limits of U.S. power in an age of increasing threat from violence-minded, faceless groups and individuals.

Attorney General Eric Holder said “we’ll obviously do what we have to do to make sure that the maritime life of this nation is protected.”

The bastards!

Even if he were right, and Obama and Hollywood were ignoring this, I’m still not sure WTF political correctness would have to do with anything.

UPDATE:  In a shocking turn of events, I was right and a Big Hollywood contributor was wrong.  BH itself links today to the announcement of a SpikeTV (a member of the same nefarious MTV umbrella that made, for example, Stop Loss) reality series about Navy pirate-hunters.

Producers had been talking to the Navy about it for months. But the deal was sealed last week while the standoff with pirates who had taken Capt. Richard Phillips hostage was ongoing.

Spike television says it hopes to make a series showing the everyday work of the Navy as it patrols the dangerous waters off the African coast. No air date has been set.

Such a depressing lack of courage!

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Written by dieblucasdie

April 10, 2009 at 9:37 pm

Simple Answers to Simple Questions

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jj_abrams1

New ‘Star Trek’ Footage: Thoughts?

It will suck.

Is Kirk a jerk?

Yes.

Written by dieblucasdie

April 9, 2009 at 1:37 am

Posted in Topical!

Take My Closest Ally, Please!

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southpark-1204canada-on-strike_1207080373Steven Crowder is back with his unique brand of COMEDY:

I’ll be the first to say it; Barack Obama’s G20 speech inspired me over the past week… I tell you no lies. In the spirit of his apologetic, butt-kissing extravaganza, I felt compelled to make some additional apologies on behalf of our backwards nation. I suggest you all pitch in and add your own. As Americans, we’ve all got a lot to be sorry for… But admitting that we have a problem is the first step towards recovery.

To Canada: We’d like to apologize for allowing you to remain a sovereign nation, despite no significant national defense, and the fact that you are of no real benefit to us. Sure, we trade with you… But only because we think that it’s cute.  If your accent weren’t good for a laugh, we’d have made you the 51st state decades ago.  We’ve been arrogant in that our conquering of your land has been a long time coming. Liberals are right … We’re an evil empire and it’s time that we started acting like one.

Dude, were you not paying attention to what happened to your fellow Big Hollywood contributor Greg Gutfeld last week?  

Also, I enjoy how he ascribes the invention/use of the term “evil empire” to liberals.

Written by dieblucasdie

April 8, 2009 at 4:16 am

Apparently Conservatism Isn’t the New Punk Rock After All

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Man, where the fuck is Kelefa Sanneh when you actually need him?

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Written by dieblucasdie

April 7, 2009 at 2:44 pm

What I Did On My Summer Vacation

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In the wake of what was perhaps the most content-free back-and-forth on the merits of hip-hop ever, James Hudnall offers up as a salve his “15 Great Rap Songs.”

The best part of this list is the odd, 5th-grade-book-report tone, like Hudnall just went into his basement last night and dug through a bunch of old CDs that his son ditched when he went away to college in 1997.  

11. Will Smith – Summertime: Smith is a huge movie star, but he started out as a major crossover talent in music. He helped make rap acceptable to whites. He has written a lot of fun songs. This one is an early tune that captures the feelings of summer. A very nice one to relax to.

The whole thing is comedic gold, from a Big Hollywood contributor reppin for Public Enemy and Cypress Hill, to the inclusion of fucking Linkin Park and “Cantaloop.”  But it really gets great in the comments, where Hudnall immediately rushes to correct a glaring omission.

Argh! I meant to add this one too. Kung Fu Fighting by Bus Stop.

This is a rap song that actually expands an existing classic and brings in the original singer, Carl Douglas. Kind of the way Aerosmith’s career was revived when Walk this Way was covered by Run DMC

Anyway, I really like how both songs expand on the original material and do honor to the original artists, unlike so many rap songs that just swipe sample the music.

Man, the one time where a Big Hollywood contributor would be perfectly justified in using scare quotes (around “classic”), and he passes it up.  You’ve let me down, Big Hollywood.  I don’t know what to believe in anymore.

We’ve had our differences in the past, Big Hollywood, but this time is different.  I will never, ever fucking forgive you for alerting me to the existence of this song.

Written by dieblucasdie

April 3, 2009 at 2:26 pm

This Has All Happened Before…

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goodman-1

I don’t know what Big Hollywood‘s obsession with tracking late night jokes is.  So they haven’t made fun of Obama much yet!  He hasn’t really done a whole lot yet, and there’s not much COMEDY in credit default swaps.  Crowder suggests teleprompter jokes and comparing Biden to Rainman, but, again, this isn’t humor, this is just talking points presented in a passive-aggressive way.

In any case, people have short memories.  If anything there was more hand-wringing in the late night world when Clinton left office.  At the time it was hard to imagine what Leno could possibly do without Lewinsky joke after Lewinsky joke.  

They managed fine with Bush.  Late night comedy, such that it is, hits only the broadest strokes.  “Bush is dumb,” “Cheney is evil,” “Bill Clinton is slutty,” “Hillary Clinton is frigid” etc etc.  Right now they don’t have that simplistic narrative for Obama.  Don’t worry dude, they will find one.  Even you will be sick of it by the end.

And complaining about Stewart not making fun of Obama?  A) Actually, he does that more than you’d expect, and B) Did you expect Stewart to go conservative all of the sudden?  You can complain about him not making fun of Obama when Bill O’Reilly starts making impassioned arguments for expanding Obama’s executive power.

Written by dieblucasdie

April 3, 2009 at 4:50 am

Poor Sarah Paxton

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darcy2_10You know, God help me, there’s much I agree with in Mike Long’s latest moralizing screed.  I’ve not seen the Last House on the Left remake, but assuming Long is correct about the lingering, leering nature of the rape scene, I’m with him to an extent.  

The torture pr0n genre of horror has long been about depicting violence against women in a way where it’s easy for the audience to both condemn it and get off on it.  It’s sickening every time it happens, and it’s a fucked-up mirror to our misogynist culture.   He does lose me a bit when he claims

Unlike other extremes in movies—we see murders all the time, for instance—rape is freighted with cultural and psychological impact that deserves special respect, for both the victims and for ourselves as civilized people. 

Because he’s veering into the “rape is especially bad because it’s a property crime against men/society” territory, but you can tell he’s just trying to go out of his way to be sensitive to rape victims, so I can let it slide.

I also agree with Long that censorship is no remedy.  He doesn’t say this, but the only true remedy at our disposal is to bitch about it loudly, and consistently.  It’s about reshaping culture.  

But, sigh, Long has to continue this argument in the most strawmantacular way possible, attacking imaginary people who are all about censoring Hollywood movies:

When filmmakers abuse their rights as they’ve done in Last House, they give a little more ammunition to those who would “protect” us (or the culture, or the country, or “the children,” or someone’s conveniently delicate sensibilities) from offensive or so-called “hate” speech. Never forget that there are a whole lot of folks who are anxious to use your offense as a way in–as the first stroke toward harnessing the coercive power of government to control what you can say about that government–plus entertainment, politics, and everything else.

So what’s worse about Last House on the Left, its callous depiction of rape or its incremental assistance to those who would limit free speech? Call it a toss-up.

You know, if you’re going to claim there’s people clamoring for strict censorship of Hollywood movies, you could at least, like, link to one.

OK, here, I’ll do it for you.

Written by dieblucasdie

April 1, 2009 at 7:48 pm