Andrew Breitbart: Mall Cop

Cow Towing to Other Countries

Kids, Lawns, and Mom’s Spaghetti

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Art Brut - Demons Out!

This Big Hollywood piece, in which Skip Press doesn’t like the looks of them teenagers walking by,  is a week-old, but it’s too good to pass up.

In sum, their [Snoop Dogg’s and Eminem’s] careers to me seem empty and manipulative, and I’m surprised when their buying public doesn’t see through the charades.

My teenage children do, and so do their friends, but still, Snoop and Eminem are multi-millionaires many times over, and maybe they think they can do what they want to do, with no repercussions. After all, isn’t anything allowed in the media any more? Class is something kids cut to go get a tat, chill with their homies, and spend time texting and sexting.

Doggystyle was the object of controversy when I was in middle school in Montana, because (OH NOES) 13 year-old white kids were listening to it.  I haven’t been in middle school for quite some time.  And given that Snoop’s doing things like performing with Taylor Hicks these days, maybe Press could’ve picked a more vital example if he wanted to beat up on prurient youth music.  But he does mention Eminem, too, though, and he’s back in the spotlight again (sigh), so let’s focus on the argument itself.

Please, if anyone out there ever catches me making the “Kids these days!  Can you believe the music they listen to?!?  And the technology they use!?!” argument, call me out on it so I can go put a fucking bullet in my head.

Normally, when someone gets all chest-out about the deplorable morals that hip-hop espouses, I point them to the Elvis Presley FBI files, which contain the exact same argument, complete with the racial overtones and the worry that OH MY GOD, 17 year-olds might be having sex!  What a new and scary situation for humanity!  Or I warn of the moral threat posed to our youth by this scary rock band called “The Rolling Stones” that has violent, sexual lyrics and ties to street gangs.

But Skip Press has one-upped me.  It’s not just the newfangled music of this generation he hates, it’s the music of the last generation as well.  He wants to go back to the days when (no exaggeration here) “How Much Is That Doggie in the Window” ruled the charts.  Why?  Because Patti Page had class, goddamn it.

Patti would wait outside the stage door every time she did a TV show (the only person to ever have her own show on the top three networks), and signed autographs for every fan that wanted one. Her reasoning was simple; the fans put her where she was.

Can you imagine Eminem doing that, or even Miley Cyrus? I’ve wondered, how many current music stars will still have a thriving career in their 80s? Will any of them? Maybe it’s just me, but it seems the stars with the most class live longer. Are any current stars thinking about that?

Fuck, I hope not.  If in 50 years we might still be arguing about Eminem, I hope the crazies are right about this whole Obama/Antichrist thing.  Bring on the fucking 4 horsemen, please, sooner rather than later.

But if by “career,” Press means the lame Branson-brunch nostalgia circuit that Page enjoys, then, sure, I’m sure Taylor Swift or whoever will be there in 50 years.  And I’m sure some douchebag will be writing articles comparing her favorably to the current crop of megastar cyborgcore bands, pining for those simpler days in 2009 when pop stars had CLASS.   That’s the way this game works.

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Written by dieblucasdie

June 11, 2009 at 1:44 pm

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