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Great Moments in Headline Writing

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My hat is off to you, Leo Grin:

‘Taken’: The World’s Oldest Profession is Father

1)  There is some seriously Freudian shit going on here, 2) They normally do not pay you for being a father.

The piece that follows is standard-issue “wither masculinity” boilerplate.  You know the kind: the writer bemoans the death of the tough manly man in a parodoxically whiny tone.  

Every once in awhile an action film comes along that revives. That proves that — no matter how strong the political correctness of an age, no matter how pale and pathetic its notions of masculinity, no matter how much Ritalin is force-fed to little boys, no matter how many toy guns, xylophone mallets, and Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots get banned from stores and playgrounds — there are certain aspects of the male soul that are inviolate, and certain primal yearnings that are evergreen. Taken (2008) is one of those films, and its release last week on DVD and Blu-ray should be heralded by lovers of all things red-blooded, hairy-chested, and morally sound.

It’s perfectly understandable to be driven to violence to protect your loved ones, but if you actually have, ahem, “primal yearnings” to beat, torture, and murder people so the womenfolk in your family can know what a Big Man you are, you should probably take a good long look at yourself.  It’s enough to justify such things unfortunate necessities, but to consider them your wildest dreams come true?  Your true nature finally unleashed?  That is messed-up, dude.

Every action movie is filled with its share of stupid implausibilities, but there is nothing stupid about a father’s love for his daughter, and nothing implausible about the sex-trafficking nightmare portrayed in Taken. The legalize-prostitution crowd has gotten a lot of mileage out of putting a reasonable, libertarian face on the whole sordid business, reminding us that, after all, it’s “the world’s oldest profession.” Taken answers back with a growl: “No — the world’s oldest profession is father.” And fathers, for those who need reminding, are men. Males. X-Y.

RAWR!  Let’s growl at each other, guys!  Oh Leo Grin, you are so manly.  Please tell me more about your manliness.

At the end of the day, when all of the sensitivity/diversity/anger management/sexual harassment/conflict resolution training falls away, the male of the species is a killer, the keeper of a bloody heroic ideal that winds through our history and through our myths, back through Snorri Sturluson and Luo GuanzhongShakespeare and MaloryVirgil and Homer, and ultimately the Old Testament and beyond. Countless women and children owe their lives and happiness to the men who tread grim paths of death in their defense. Just as many owe their misery to the failure of some men to honor that age-old crimson burden.

And there you have it.  All men are killers.  Men are made to made kill.  If you feel otherwise, you are a failure on a world-historical level.

Remember, it’s the feminists who hate men.  

 

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3 Responses

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  1. Wow. Just… wow. There’s so much crap in that I hardly know where to start.

    Wait, no. I know precisely where to start.

    To Leo Grin: If there’s an oldest (unpaid) profession, it’s being a MOTHER, dumbass.

    After that, it’s pretty much SSDD. But seriously. Did he really cite the prose Edda there? Hat’s off to you, LG, for the Elitist Bastard of the Year award you just earned yourself. (And I love how all True Literature is pre-1650. The golden age of manhood, that.)

    Thanks for giving this article the scolding it needed, blucas.

    Jo

    May 21, 2009 at 10:56 pm

  2. “Did he really cite the prose Edda there? ”

    He sure did! I love how his “Man as Killer in literature” evidence trails off with “the Old Testament and beyond,” despite his earlier hyping of “Judeo-Christian values” (I desperately want a moratorium on that phrase).

    The Gospels! With all their sissified “turn the other cheek” and “love thy enemy” stuff! I’m not sure what he means by “and beyond” but presumably Grin’s cultural timeline skips the New Testament and goes straight to Die Hard.

    dieblucasdie

    May 22, 2009 at 2:21 pm

  3. As always, I note that it is OTHER MEN that endanger us, and therefore the enemy the manly male masculine protectors are protecting us from.

    If all men are manly protectors, then all men are murderers. So goeth the man logic for today.

    Jezebella

    May 22, 2009 at 3:46 pm


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