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johnbrownSo there was a bit of a sissy slapfight between two contributors over at Big Hollywood this weekend.  What was it that turned brother against brother?  Did a family member of a suicide victim take issue with Tim Slagle’s flippant attitude on the subject?  Did one of the site’s many WGA or SAG members bristle at Alfonzo Rachel’s blanket condemnation of union activity?  Did Steven Crowder show up to offer a stirring apologia for boobies in film?

No, sadly, it was the runt of the litter, Ben Shapiro, and his opinions about the most popular form of music in the world that would force Tim Slagle to bring the hammer down.

Now, Ben Shapiro (late of is a complete idiot.  I say this not to be mean, or because I disagree with him politically, or about music, or whatever, but because it’s first response almost anyone will have to his writing.  One of the reasons this blog is dedicated to Big Hollywood and not a place like is that BH, bless her, actually has a pretty high Crazy: Stupid ratio, all things considered.  Really, if I had to spend all my days responding to things like this:

First, rap isn’t music.  Music has three elements: melody, harmony, and rhythm.  Rap is all rhythm, very little melody, and virtually no harmony.  Cultural relativists who say that Eminem is like Mozart make Barbara Boxer look like Einstein. 

what would I do?  There’s no real opportunity for commentary besides, “Dude, that’s fucking stupid.”  And when he makes fun of the way some African-Americans name their kids

Not surprisingly, T.I. has six children from three women.  The kids, sadly, have been saddled with names out of the WTF Name Dictionary: Messiah Ya’Majesty (after Barack Obama, no doubt), Domani Uriah, Clifford “King,” Major Philand, Zonnique, and Deyjah (who will no doubt be labeled Vu sooner or later).  When Clifford (T.I.’s namesake) is the luckiest kid in terms of names, you’ve got a problem. 

there’s not much to say except, “Dude, you are an unfunny racist douchebag.”

So, while most of my subsequent responses to Ben Shapiro posts will likely be along the lines of “GAH HEADDESK” and “TAKE ME NOW GOD” with accompanying links and funny pictures, at least this time we have the added amusement of the fact that even the other contributors at BH are like, “Whoa, what the fuck?”

All of Ben’s complaints were once said about rock and roll: lack of melody and harmony, overemphasis on rhythm, vulgar, overly sexual lyrics… Rock and roll was also called a corrupter of youth and predictions of it’s quick demise abounded. There were record burnings and organized protests against this Satan music, and today, footage of these protests are viewed comedically. Do we really want this stigma attached to Republicans any longer?  Are we tired of being the punchline yet?

This is probably the only time you’ll ever see me write the phrase “What Tim Slagle said.”  Thankfully, before I start to have a crisis of conscience or anything, the Gray Elvis manages to get in this bit:

Instead of becoming this generation’s up tight pantywaists, we should be looking for common ground between the rap culture and ourselves. Isn’t that kind of what Big Hollywood originally set out to do: find common ground between conservatives and pop culture?  Because, I think there is a lot of common ground. After all, we both have a fascination with guns and a distrust of government.

And we both get a big kick out of making politically incorrect jokes. For the most part, rap lyrics are intended to be funny. And when you become incensed, you’re letting on that you didn’t get the joke.

C’mon Ben, my boy!  You like racist jokes right?  Rap music is like one giant racist joke that black people are telling for our amusement!


Written by dieblucasdie

March 30, 2009 at 7:36 pm

3 Responses

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  1. […] a filmmaker.  No, really.  Stop laughing!” Wilson weighs in on last weekend’s sissy slapfight between Tim Slagle and Ben Shapiro about the artistic merits of hip-hop.  By arguing that […]

  2. […] Slalge tries a different tack today in the “Rap is Crap” argument that I can’t fucking believe they are still having.  He offers Ben Shapiro a sort […]

  3. […] I Did On My Summer Vacation In the wake of what was perhaps the most content-free back-and-forth on the merits of hip-hop ever, James Hudnall offers up as a salve his “15 Great Rap […]

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