Andrew Breitbart: Mall Cop

Re: John Nolte’s yawn-inducing list of the Top 25 Christmas Films.  It’s a third unassailably canonical Golden-era shit that no one actually enjoys watching, a third treacly and/or poorly-aged family films, and a third various versions of A Christmas Carol.

But it’s biggest flaw?

No motherfucking Die Hard.  He’s probably just mad that Hans Gruber wasn’t a Muslim.

Victoria Jackson with her Eurovision entry for this year:

It seems these days
I’m in a haze,
And I can’t concentrate on things,
Don’t eat or sleep,
Feel incomplete,
And kinda scared and creepy.

I look over my shoulder lots
And shudder when I watch TV.
I bite my nails and cuticles
And watch my words very carefully.
I bite my lip a lot
And fidget with the buttons on my blouse.
Why?
…BECAUSE THERE’S A COMMUNIST LIVING IN THE WHITE HOUSE!!!

I’m jittery, my teeth I grate
I twitch, I shake, I ruminate
Lately I’m perplexed and pinched
In pain, I pout and ponder.

Why aren’t people shocked or something,
Why aren’t people up in arms?
Does anyone read history?
Or see red flags, or hear alarms?
The streets are filled with deaf and dumb
As I squeal like a mouse,
“THERE”S A COMMUNIST LIVING IN THE WHITE HOUSE!!!”

My husband really misses me.
My parents think I’ve gone crazy.
Only Glenn Beck understands me,
And, of course, Sean Hannity.
But, it seems, besides us three,
And the nice people who drink the Tea,
There’s no one else who can see
THE COMMUNIST LIVING IN THE WHITE HOUSE!!

Maybe I have lost my mind,
Or have been drugged by some narcotic.
Maybe I’m watching a movie called 1984
Or maybe I am just psychotic.
If I’m in a dream, fast asleep
I guess I will just try to keep
My eyes shut ’til this goes away
And I awake to a happier day
When my ukulele does not play
This dire song of distress and dismay
Called…THERE’S A COMMUNIST LIVING IN THE WHITE HOUSE!!!

What I love about Jackson is how completely unconcerned she is with actual politics.  She doesn’t care about policy, she doesn’t care about the crass horse-race mechanics, she doesn’t even really care about half-baked conspiracy theories.  Her entire engagement with the political sphere begins and ends with some guys on the TV telling her to be afraid, so she’s afraid.  There’s zero political content in the above; it’s all about her fear.

She is like a parody of a parody of a Michael Moore strawman.  It’s pretty startling and saddening that someone like her actually exists.  If I were John Nolte I’d be embarrassed.

Yep, that’s Big Hollywood‘s Steven Crowder throwin’ up the air quotes for

If you believe in the modern concept of “peace,” you might be an idiot.

Definitely one of the more lazy and ridiculous examples of BH’s reliance on putting scare quotes around benign words and phrases to make them sound bad (though not as awesome as the time Crowder put scare quotes around the Virginia Tech shooter’s name).

When you strip away the crazy (and there’s a lot of it this time), the main thrust of Crowder’s argument–that war is sometimes necessary–is one that few people, even on the far left, would disagree with.  I’m so old, in fact, I can remember when Republicans were largely isolationists.  Liberals have spent years advocating for military intervention in a host of troubled regions:  Sudan, Liberia, Rwanda, the Balkans, Somalia, etc.  Not that I personally agree that military intervention would be/would have been/was the right call in all those situations, I’m just sayin’.

But it’s possible, I suppose, that Crowder’s not making his customary strawmanish “YOU LIBERALS…” argument, and that he’s narrowly criticizing the hardcore peace movement that opposes any military action.

If that’s what he wants to do, he goes about it in a bizarre way.  First he does a couple so-bad-they-go-past-good-and-back-to-bad bits lampooning John Lennon (ooooo, burn, guy-who’s-been-dead-for-29-years) and reeling off some quick ad hominem attacks relating to Lennon’s personal life.  That’s weird enough, but then he goes into the tired old John Birch Society conspiracy theory about the origins of the peace symbol.  Next he’ll be freaking out about the pyramid on the $1 bill.  National Treasure 3: Rise of the Lispy Canadian.

Now, if you want to criticize the peace movement, calling them crypto-anti-Christians is a pretty weird tactic, given the modern peace movement’s Christian roots.  Apparently some people take that “love your enemies, do good to those who hate you” thing literally.

If you’re going to play the moral scold in reaction to TMZ-level gossip, there’s a lot to choose from.  So why does Big Hollywood only do it when it involves a woman posing for naked photos?

All that’s left to ask is what planet are these people from and how do we keep our children far, far away?

[Rihanna] admitted to being “humiliated” earlier this year when naked pictures of herself sent to an ex-boyfriend were posted online.

But she later shrugged off the episode, saying: “If you don’t send your boyfriend naked pictures, then I feel bad for him.” …

The 21 year-old said in an interview with The Sun: “Every woman should have naked pictures taken. In five years my body might not look like this.

 

“I’ve always been borderline raunchy and a little sexy. But sexy at 19 and sexy at 21 are two different things. I’m just having fun.”

Did shame go out with Eisenhower?

Apparently not!  Because here you are trying to shame a woman over A) something that’s none of your goddamn business to begin with and B) the simple existence of her body.  It be squicky enough if they were trying to shame her over a sex tape, but these are just naked photos.

Look, a woman who’s not filled with crippling shame at the sight of her naked body!  And she even appears to enjoy her sexuality.  Buuuuuurn her!

It is a little depressing that Rhianna seems to think she’ll be an unlovable hag by 26, though.